Ships in the night

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we watched the ships come in and we sat on the marble steps

ice cream cones and there was this ship

this huge ship just looming over us

I’ll never forget us

I’ll never forget the way your hair forgot to curl in certain places

or the excitement on your face when you were talking about something you loved

I wish I could have that enthusiasm

we sat on my stone garden steps and watched the dog in the window

you told me about the origin of ants and I just thought, wow, you know a lot about nothing

we said we would miss this place

sweet potato and paneer, I wish you were here

I’m sorry that this wasn’t perfect.

pretty for a black girl.

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Tell me again about how I am pretty for a black girl

Will you validate my existence, stranger?

Tell me more about how you know that I must have a really big ‘booty’

Divulge me

Indulge me

Educate me on how you have never slept with a black girl

Am I an experience?

A free ticket to Alton Towers, a weekend go-karting, parachuting in the District?

You believe that I am going to reply to your statement with ‘YOU are in for a treat’

Wink face.

Please tell me about how much you love, love, love Jamaican food

We weren’t having that discussion but you think I’m going to be really impressed

Wow, you are cultured!

Inform me about how my large lips must mean that I give great head.

My brown features, my brown skin, my brown identity

Is not here for your sexual experimentation

We’ve become caricatures for societies fantasies

White girls want our features, white boys want us to twerk in bed but white society won’t defend us.

It’s tremendous.

When I was younger, I used to think that being told I was an attractive black girl was somewhat of a compliment. A competition that I had never entered and yet somehow won. My own insecurities at that awkward teenage time stopped me from questioning them. Wow, really am I? I always felt awkward in my skin, I wanted my nose slimmer, my lips smaller, my skin lighter… so being told I was pretty for a black girl was a triumph surely. Or just a way to keep me in line. Would that mean that I would never be as pretty as a white girl? I’ve finally grown comfortable in the skin that I am in. The skin my mother coated me in. This thick and yet fragile, strong and agile brown skin.

 

Fashion backward

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Today, I wore this hat and it makes me feel quite special. Someone different, someone interesting, someone who has a story.

I suppose it is my story.

But it was someone else’s before I picked it up and bought it for £1.99.

If breathing was forgotten but our bodies continued to thrive

Would it be a fair argument to say that you are not alive?

I do like the way in which I dress, I think I’m quite versatile and people always comment on what is usually a good charity shop find. I suppose it’s one thing that I’ve always been quite proud of, my ability to dress for me. But I do sometimes dress for boys. Don’t we all to an extent?

If blinking was an art form, of which we couldn’t master

I wonder if we’d move our eyeballs faster…

I mean, it’s taking me a while to settle in to a style, and I do like to switch it up. Growing up I was sometimes insulted for my, lets say ‘unique‘ sense of style. But I’ve never wanted to be like anyone else, I was never one of those girls who would dress up in the exact same clothes as their best friend. But I suppose I never had one.

If eating was optional, and we no longer had to feed

I imagine my stomach would bleed.

#whoami

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With bated breath, I bide my time and wait for life  to start

For something good will grow from me, I feel this in my heart

Perhaps an extra organ will emerge over night and complete the jigsaw puzzle

Seep energy through my bloodstream and slip into my muscle

Then I will grow stronger, and wiser too

I’ll finally do all the things I know I was born to do

Like a Mountain Ash, I’ll stand tall above the rest

Sprout nature and wear this upon my naked breast

I’ll force my roots from uncertain grounds

A life force, a being, a woman profound

And I will search from mountain to sea

And find the beauty that I know I can be.