Drunken anecdotes

One goodbye and a thousand words left to say
Knowing what it effect it would have on me today,
maybe I wouldn’t have said what I did that day
In that way
But we humans are a sucker for forgetting the bad times and only remembering the good we could hold in our hands
And I suppose I thought that you would not understand
That I just needed some time to be alone
But I wanted to be alone with you?
And it’s silly now because you’ve moved on like people do
But I can’t help but wonder if you were just after someone new
To forget about me
And I can only feel empathy for what may have been and what might still be
Somewhere in the back of the back of brain
Driving you insane
When you realise that she isn’t me

I cycled all the way home
Drunk on fear and drunk on you
And we didn’t speak once
Not even to exchange pleasantries or even for you to take my order
I saw you in the reflection of the door and I wanted to see more of you but I should not impose myself on your new life and your new beginnings but the past is so unforgiving and you are just the same
My boy
My boy in the place where time once held us
together as one
But now
You are gone.

image

To be read really really fast

image

I keep starting and stopping and starting and stopping again,
And it’s a pain – because everything that I am musing is valid yes
But not enough for me to advance on them or attempt to digress
And I can only bring my own truth to the words that fumble from my fingertips and fall carelessly onto paper
But at this stage I’ve got more chance of being a butcher a baker or even a fucking quaker
Because I’m distracted by the thought of skin on skin and psychical interactions
And if I only had a small fraction of the day to be writing I suppose my focus wouldn’t be as flighting
But my own brain has shut me out temporarily and is refusing to let me in even though I am the one who primarily interacts with it on a day to day basis
Suppose I’ll go back to basics and start again tomorrow in a different environment with a new set of faces…

Maybe?
Ugh.