Lessons learnt

Today I learnt:

  1. That my cat loves to do her best impressions of a beached whale at my bedroom door, especially in the early hours of the morning
  2. You can spend a lot of time in the gym solely working your shoulders
  3. How to make a basic African tomato stew
  4. How to dismantle a Dyson AM08 fan
  5. That if a trolley doesn’t push easily outside ASDA, then it surely won’t work inside ASDA (same probs goes for all supermarket trolleys)
  6. That I eat more on antibiotics when I’m supposed to have a regimented food timetable
  7. Today I learnt that you don’t want the same as me
  8. That you are sorry
  9. That you don’t want to see me again
  10. That I don’t cry much even when I am really sad
  11. That I am so good at being sad that I enjoy being sad because I know that I am good at it
  12. That I get over things very quickly
  13. That I am very strong and brave
  14. But that I am very sad

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Suppose I’ve been away for a while

I couldn’t even tell you where I went

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking and not writing

But I’ve got a lot of posts that will probably remain unsent

See even though all my poems come from my heart

Sometimes I don’t think they’re quite enough

I’ll rip them apart

Start from rough

Read them over and over till I find one I might love 

But

Sometimes I don’t

And somedays I won’t

And I guess that’s okay

To be read really really fast

image

I keep starting and stopping and starting and stopping again,
And it’s a pain – because everything that I am musing is valid yes
But not enough for me to advance on them or attempt to digress
And I can only bring my own truth to the words that fumble from my fingertips and fall carelessly onto paper
But at this stage I’ve got more chance of being a butcher a baker or even a fucking quaker
Because I’m distracted by the thought of skin on skin and psychical interactions
And if I only had a small fraction of the day to be writing I suppose my focus wouldn’t be as flighting
But my own brain has shut me out temporarily and is refusing to let me in even though I am the one who primarily interacts with it on a day to day basis
Suppose I’ll go back to basics and start again tomorrow in a different environment with a new set of faces…

Maybe?
Ugh.