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you are the reason I can’t sleep at night


He said I don’t like it when you look at me that way

With those eyes, do you really have nothing to say?

You fucked off and left me standing here to pick up the pieces,

And now you stand there and look at me with that smirk that you know teases?

I never wanted any of this, I never wanted you, 

But you traced yourself into my life and now you stand here LIKE you do

Gazing down on me as though you never even knew my name, leaving me thinking that after all this IM the one to blame

I didn’t believe in love and I never believed in happy endings,

I got through all my relationships with fake smiles but I knew I was pretending,

you caught my eye and yeah I thought you were beautiful,

but I meet pretty girls everyday what made you so special,

an intellectual, always seen with a pen and paper

I thought yeah she’s alright and I might try and date her

but that was all you know, a passing thought before I slept

and now I’m lying here with all those memories I’ll never forget 

your smell is in the pillow with that shit shampoo you hate

but you always bought it anyway because it was cheap and I always thought that was great 

your clothes are still in my wardrobe taking up all the space

and I would move them but then I imagine you pulling that face 

you know,

the one you do when i move any of your things and you sit there looking concerned while you fiddle with all your rings, 

and you had too many rings anyway it was always hard to hold your hand  and you’d joke that you’d take them off when I bought you a wedding band 

and one night I did think that maybe I would propose one day, and then I laughed it off coz I always said no way,

why would anyone want to be tied down for the rest of their life

Calling a woman they can barely stand their dearly beloved wife?

you pissed me off and yeah we had our issues but then you’d call me up and be like babe you know I miss you

and if it was anyone, it would be you that I’d put up with forever, 

it’d be you I would set up home with,

i suppose

it was always you.

I am

I’m looking at her, and she’s staring straight back at me

Vacant eyed and expressionless

I motion my hand before her face

She doesn’t flinch

She doesn’t move, not one inch

What does she want and why is she here?

Why when I close my eyes does she not disappear?

I touch her and she accepts

I wrap my palm around her cheek and give it a sharp smack

She raises her arm and does it back

I stumble, bewildered

I move a strand of hair from by her eye

She blinks back absently

Again

She raises her arm and gently tucks a strand of hair behind my ear

She opens her mouth

Here comes the fear
I am

Omnipotent

Omnipresent

Omniscient

I am

Relations

I think that relationships these days are forged on the fear of being alone

The want to have someone waiting for you at home

I think that people get into things so they can change their Facebook status

‘Hey, aren’t we fit, go on, rate us’

I think some people get into things because the sex is good

Even if the conversation is dry and agendas are misunderstood

Deep down, I think everyone is scared to be by themselves

We are sociable creatures and we want someone who is willing to delve

Into the murky waters of our past hurt and guilt

And promise you that the way we think and feel can be rebuilt

But we shouldn’t have to compromise with our lives

You can’t build a solid foundation based on lies

Relationships shouldn’t just conform, they should inspire

They shouldn’t be lukewarm, they should be FIRE

A union of two people with similar ideologies and aspirations

Two people with enough admiration to give affirmation without consideration

And you shouldn’t be joined at the hip either

Give time for personal development, remember to take a breather

Because being with someone should enhance your life and not consume it

So find someone and build an empire together, don’t just…

Commit. 

Suppose I’ve been away for a while

I couldn’t even tell you where I went

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking and not writing

But I’ve got a lot of posts that will probably remain unsent

See even though all my poems come from my heart

Sometimes I don’t think they’re quite enough

I’ll rip them apart

Start from rough

Read them over and over till I find one I might love 

But

Sometimes I don’t

And somedays I won’t

And I guess that’s okay

Drunken anecdotes

One goodbye and a thousand words left to say
Knowing what it effect it would have on me today,
maybe I wouldn’t have said what I did that day
In that way
But we humans are a sucker for forgetting the bad times and only remembering the good we could hold in our hands
And I suppose I thought that you would not understand
That I just needed some time to be alone
But I wanted to be alone with you?
And it’s silly now because you’ve moved on like people do
But I can’t help but wonder if you were just after someone new
To forget about me
And I can only feel empathy for what may have been and what might still be
Somewhere in the back of the back of brain
Driving you insane
When you realise that she isn’t me

I cycled all the way home
Drunk on fear and drunk on you
And we didn’t speak once
Not even to exchange pleasantries or even for you to take my order
I saw you in the reflection of the door and I wanted to see more of you but I should not impose myself on your new life and your new beginnings but the past is so unforgiving and you are just the same
My boy
My boy in the place where time once held us
together as one
But now
You are gone.

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