you are the reason I can’t sleep at night


He said I don’t like it when you look at me that way

With those eyes, do you really have nothing to say?

You fucked off and left me standing here to pick up the pieces,

And now you stand there and look at me with that smirk that you know teases?

I never wanted any of this, I never wanted you, 

But you traced yourself into my life and now you stand here LIKE you do

Gazing down on me as though you never even knew my name, leaving me thinking that after all this IM the one to blame

I didn’t believe in love and I never believed in happy endings,

I got through all my relationships with fake smiles but I knew I was pretending,

you caught my eye and yeah I thought you were beautiful,

but I meet pretty girls everyday what made you so special,

an intellectual, always seen with a pen and paper

I thought yeah she’s alright and I might try and date her

but that was all you know, a passing thought before I slept

and now I’m lying here with all those memories I’ll never forget 

your smell is in the pillow with that shit shampoo you hate

but you always bought it anyway because it was cheap and I always thought that was great 

your clothes are still in my wardrobe taking up all the space

and I would move them but then I imagine you pulling that face 

you know,

the one you do when i move any of your things and you sit there looking concerned while you fiddle with all your rings, 

and you had too many rings anyway it was always hard to hold your hand  and you’d joke that you’d take them off when I bought you a wedding band 

and one night I did think that maybe I would propose one day, and then I laughed it off coz I always said no way,

why would anyone want to be tied down for the rest of their life

Calling a woman they can barely stand their dearly beloved wife?

you pissed me off and yeah we had our issues but then you’d call me up and be like babe you know I miss you

and if it was anyone, it would be you that I’d put up with forever, 

it’d be you I would set up home with,

i suppose

it was always you.

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Fashion backward

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Today, I wore this hat and it makes me feel quite special. Someone different, someone interesting, someone who has a story.

I suppose it is my story.

But it was someone else’s before I picked it up and bought it for £1.99.

If breathing was forgotten but our bodies continued to thrive

Would it be a fair argument to say that you are not alive?

I do like the way in which I dress, I think I’m quite versatile and people always comment on what is usually a good charity shop find. I suppose it’s one thing that I’ve always been quite proud of, my ability to dress for me. But I do sometimes dress for boys. Don’t we all to an extent?

If blinking was an art form, of which we couldn’t master

I wonder if we’d move our eyeballs faster…

I mean, it’s taking me a while to settle in to a style, and I do like to switch it up. Growing up I was sometimes insulted for my, lets say ‘unique‘ sense of style. But I’ve never wanted to be like anyone else, I was never one of those girls who would dress up in the exact same clothes as their best friend. But I suppose I never had one.

If eating was optional, and we no longer had to feed

I imagine my stomach would bleed.

#whoami

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With bated breath, I bide my time and wait for life  to start

For something good will grow from me, I feel this in my heart

Perhaps an extra organ will emerge over night and complete the jigsaw puzzle

Seep energy through my bloodstream and slip into my muscle

Then I will grow stronger, and wiser too

I’ll finally do all the things I know I was born to do

Like a Mountain Ash, I’ll stand tall above the rest

Sprout nature and wear this upon my naked breast

I’ll force my roots from uncertain grounds

A life force, a being, a woman profound

And I will search from mountain to sea

And find the beauty that I know I can be.